Past Burdens
by xxxDrSpencerReidxxx
Summary: Reid knows about his past, all of it. It's eating away at him. Can he live with his past? Or will his past come back for him? Will his team his family be able to help him or will they lose him forever? Discontinued until further notice!


_**Hey guys! I hope you like this new story I just thought of. Please tell me whether you like it or not.  
**_

_**Warnings are lots of angst,blood not much else except it gets deep in thoughts**_

_**I do not own Criminal Minds!**_

_**Enjoy and tell me what you think!**_

Reid felt the burden of his past weigh upon him. He never told anyone nor did he ever plan to. It was his past and his alone. Telling people would ruin the world around him. He never knew about it. He never thought he could come from such a past. He felt it eat away at him every single day. He was always with him. Always. People would never look at him the same again. They would think of him as a thing, as someone dangerous and it scared him. This was his family. They would disown him they moment they found out, just like his real family. So he bottled it up inside. Letting it eat away at him slowly and painfully. He would put on a smile every day because that's what was expect of a healthy, happy young man, what they expected from him. His eyes trailed down to the paperwork in front of him. He knew he had to finish it but the energy had drained from him. Not willing to do anything. Not wanting to do anything. This time of the year always reminded him. He found out today and now it would never erase from his mind. So now he burdened himself with the guilt, the despair and the hollowness he felt inside.

He aimlessly picked up the pencil and tapped continually onto the desk. The urge to just runaway had clouded his mind like fog but knowing it wasn't a solution. That he couldn't just runaway and hide from the world around, he left it as an endlessly wish that penetrated him. It was striking the middle of the day. Halfway through. He could barely rest. All he wanted to do was go home and drown in his own self-pity, it was said to be unhealthy but it was just too tempting to be avoided. Morgan had been trying to gain his attention but Reid ignored him. Not wishing to participate in the childish activities that Morgan tempted him with. His mind mentally blocked the world around him, his eyes not straying from the paperwork before him. It was devouring him. The pure frustration. The building of rage with him. His beating of the pencil started to build at a rapid rate, the clock clicking at a deathly slow rate, ringing in his ears like dull dongs not easing up. The pencil did one last bang before breaking in half. Reid clenched his hand at the incident, annoyed, angry. Morgan's voice rang in his ear again. Reid continued to ignore him, not wanting to hear the questions he didn't want to answer. So Reid got up and marched over to the men's bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind him. He needed air. The world was against him. Everything around him was turning against him. He lent against the sink, taking long and deep breaths. His eyes crept up to the mirror. His eyes were red and black rings formed under them. His hair was mattered in disarray, pointing in every direction as sweat seeped out and onto is already moist forehead. His hands slipped against the sink and he growled in frustration, slamming his fist down. Hearing a crack, pain searing through his fist, blood instantly flowed down, creating crimson drops on the floor and patterns in the sink. He held his hand, pain throbbed up his arm. His hand started to tremor and quake. He slipped to the floor, nothing was right in this world. He felt as though the walls were closing in around him and he was endlessly drowning. He closed his eyes, letting the pain take over him each limb at a time. It was a dull throb inside that made him shiver and tremble on the floor. He couldn't care how pathetic, how hopeless he looked. It never mattered now. Nothing mattered.

After sitting in the darkest pits of his mind, he was reeled back into the horror of reality by a loud knock on the door. Morgan sounded concerned but he didn't know why. Why would Morgan be concerned over something like him? He painfully pulled himself from the bloody floor and turned the tap on. The water felt like searing fire as he placed his broken hand under the water, blood mixing with the once clear water. He watched as it swirled down the hollow drain. He wiped all the tiny droplets from the ground and sink. Before discarded the paper towels and wrapping one around his hand. Some blood pierced through the white paper. He walked toward the door. He hesitated. He placed his still sweating hand on the door knob and tiredly twisted the knob. Morgan's face was on the other side. His face drenched in fear and worry.

* * *

"Reid, what the hell did you do?" His voice echoed through my head but I barely comprehended the question but knowing the look upon Morgan's face I knew that he asked a question that was along the line of 'how am I?' but I didn't care on telling the truth.

"I'm fine, Morgan," My voice was lazy and tired. I didn't even put in the effort to make it sound as though it was true because I didn't care that I looked like this.

I pushed pass him before he persisted the question and left him standing there aimlessly. Prentiss and JJ had an endless gaze upon me. I glared daggers at them, they were already looking at me like I was a freak. One could only imagine how they would look upon me when the truth was out, when my past was reveal. They would have disgust on their faces. Two friends, who were like sisters to me, would have pure disgust in their looks. It killed me inside knowing that that was an outcome once if I was truthful to them. It burnt and chewed as me. I hated this feeling but I had to embrace it. It was better than the alternative of the truth, of who I truly was, of who could've been.

I rested myself upon my chair, looks persisted but I used my trick of tuning and blocking them out. It was better that way. It was better than reality. I picked up a pen, hopefully this wouldn't break as easily as the pencil did. I began my rapid taps against the desk that was when a voice rang in my ears. Hotch. I spun my chair around, his face was stern as always.

"Reid, we need to talk," His voice droned again, I mentally rolled my eyes. So much for having to keep this day uneventful.

I raised myself from my chair, no doubt one of them told him what happened. Now I was to face him when I couldn't really care. I opened the door into his office.

"Yes, sir?" I asked as innocently as I could but I was never a good lair, which was a downfall to me.

**Thanks for taking to read and tell me whether there is anything I should change?  
**


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